DAMASCUS, SYRIA — The entertainment industry was abuzz yesterday as ISIS received a Syrian Motion Picture Academy Award nomination in the hotly contested category of Best Live Action Short Film.
The piece in question, Decapitation In Lieu Of Ransom #14, was condemned by horrified media outlets across the globe, but critics in this part of the world have had little else to watch in the midst of a brutal civil war now entering its 6th disastrous year.
In a brief video response set against the iconic black flag of the world’s most ruthless terrorist organization, hooded ISIS Director of Cultural Affairs, Bahbraf al-Suleimani (aka Beheading Bobby), graciously thanked the academy for the honor, discussed his group’s unwavering commitment to indelible imagery and assured infidels across the Levant that, “The red carpet this year will be dyed with the blood of the enemies of Islam. All those who refuse to submit to the caliphate shall suffer the mighty blade of Allah.”
He went on to praise the work of French Director Gaspar Noe as a major cinematic influence, chuckled while admitting he’s always had a soft spot for the campfire scene in Blazing Saddles and hinted at some exciting new releases for 2017 involving crucifixions, nerve gas and pre-execution castration.
It is unlikely however that Mr. al-Suleimani will be able to attend the awards gala in April as he is expected to return home next month to Los Angeles for a Managing Partner position with the Creative Artists Agency.