New Jersey: Mom deemed emotionally unfit for cast of “Real Housewives Of New Jersey”.
New England: Inserts “wicked” before every adjective, adverb.
Southwest: Grandma’s house is a meth lab.
Deep South: Being heavily recruited to play linebacker at Auburn University.
California: Relatives from Mexico visit via tunnel under living room.
Idaho/Oregon/Montana: Family reunion monitored by SPLC Hate Group Task Force.
Great Lakes: Paternity established during parents’ appearance on “The Steve Wilkos Show”.
Missouri: See: “Southwest”.
Great Plains: Lives in Leavenworth, KS to be near Dad.
New York: Last name is Gotti.
Florida: Family moved here for a fresh start away from all the drama back home