“Uber For Lint Removal” — Drake’s ROLLER App Launches In New York


(BROOKLYN) — After more than a year of wild speculation, the hotly anticipated first release from Hip Hop Superstar Drake’s Thank Me Later Labs LLC was made available yesterday for both iPhone and Android, and by all accounts ROLLER left everyone in attendance completely stunned.

Speaking on the steps of the Barclays Center, Drake had this to say:

Back in April last year, I was publicly ridiculed by both Common and Chris Brown after tending to my Gucci pants while seated courtside right here for a Nets-Raptors playoff game. It pissed me off, I ain’t lyin’, but it also gave me what I gotta say is a genius idea for an on-demand lint removal service. I mean, I got dudes who carry that shit around for me, but what ya’ll supposed to do? You know what I’m sayin’?

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Analyst responses to ROLLER have been decidedly mixed. While many were quick to question the demand for something that anyone can carry in a purse or backpack and perform, alone, in a matter of seconds, others, citing current trends of beards and velvet blazers, rising levels of cat ownership and a Millennial population used to just having Mom do it, are guardedly optimistic.

In a series of tweets just minutes after Drake’s press conference, Rapper Meek Mill (ft. Nicki Minaj) slammed ROLLER as a complete waste of time and money and announced the impending launch of his own app, an “Uber for toilet paper”, which will also be called ROLLER.