Republican Candidates Informed Ted Nugent’s “Wang Dang Sweet Poontang” Only Song They’re To Play At Campaign Rallies

nugent

Washington, DC — Ever since President Ronald Reagan misinterpreted as patriotic the lyrics of Bruce Springsteen’s antiwar anthem “Born In The USA”, Republican politicians have been getting themselves in trouble with left-leaning rock stars. In the most recent dustup, Donald Trump’s unauthorized use of R.E.M.’s “It’s The End Of The World As We Know It (And I Feel Fine)” has arisen the ire of band members, who called Trump an “orange clown” and told him to “go fuck himself”.

In an effort to eliminate any further controversies, The Republican National Committee has issued a memorandum to all candidates that, from this point forward, only one song will be OK for public use. The 1974 tune, “Wang Dang Sweet Poontang,” the memo reads, by “ultra-conservative musician Ted Nugent, is an unambiguous celebration of a union between one man and one woman (or, specifically, a “teenage queen” named Nadine), perfect to counter the rising tide of liberals’ support for gay marriage.”

The letter goes on to suggest that the lyrics, “She’s so sweet when she yanks on my meat,” should resonate with voters in key beef and pork-producing swing states like Iowa, Colorado and North Carolina.

When asked for her thoughts on the RNC directive, Stanford and MIT graduate, former Hewlett Packard CEO and the lone female Republican in the race thus far, Carly Fiorina, grimaced, shook her head and declined comment.

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