(PALM BEACH, FL) Further blurring the line between Donald Trump the president and Donald Trump the businessman, Mar-a-Lago Club today added a pricey option to its already exorbitant menu of wedding packages.
According to the updated online brochure, for an extra $74,000, “any couple getting married at the fabulous Mar-a-Lago can have President Donald J. Trump (and a foreign leader selected at random) hold a 15-20 minute meeting on ultra-sensitive national security issues of extreme importance directly in the middle of the reception floor immediately prior to the cake-cutting ceremony.”
“After seeing the global attention paid to what happened last weekend, we’ve had brides calling us non-stop. It’s been amaze-balls,” said Mar-a-Lago’s Events Director Kimberly Swanson in reference to the excitement that ensued Saturday night after North Korea conducted a ballistic missile test while Trump, Japanese Prime Minister Shinzo Abe, their wives and assorted VIPs were on the terrace enjoying tea, coffee and massive slices of the club’s signature Key Lime Pie for dessert.
Rather than take the leaders to a secure location for encrypted communication amid a myriad of other logistical concerns, Trump’s crisis team instead decided to simply bring a couple phones to the table and allow club members and their guests to watch the tense events unfold in full view, with some even snapping pics and posting them on social media.
“HOLY MOLY!!!,” said Richard DeAgazio, whose Facebook blow-by-blow of the situation quickly went viral, resulting in over 612,000 likes, 483,000 frowny faces and an untold amount of free advertising for the president’s lavish beachside resort.
Mar-a-Lago’s Swanson went on to say, “The sky’s the limit for this sort of thing. Say we’re actually on the verge of war or something. Can you imagine what people would pay for the chance of watching the president launch his nukes while guests are dancing to ‘You Dropped A Bomb On Me’? Talk about a night to remember. Holy shit, I’m getting goosebumps just thinking about it!”
Despite broad international outrage over a whole host of issues surrounding the events of last weekend, Mar-a-Lago’s new Head Of International Membership Sales, Mikhail Ruskov, was undeterred and added, “In just the past 48 hours, Mar-a-Lago has seen a 10-fold increase in membership inquiries from China alone. There is absolutely no downside I can see to this! Zero!”